Some actions you can take to help with your grief...

When my spouse died I was devastated. I was not even sure what to do or where to begin to pull myself back together. The grief was overwhelming. However, in the course of just moving through the days and interacting with other people and the world, I did some things that gave me perspective and made me feel better. These are the actions I took and am still taking to heal my heart and move forward. I have also attended grief groups, spoken with many people and done a lot of reading. Below are the actions I have discovered thus far. (Click on each action to read more.) They are not in any particular order and they won't all appeal each person, but these are the actions I have discovered along my way.

We often think that other people know what we need, but usually they don't. One easy way to let people know what you need is to take a stack of index cards and write a need on each one. This way, when someone says "if you need anything" you'll be prepared to tell them what you need or just hand them a card. You could even give them the stack and let them pick out something they are comfortable doing. Remember, most people who offer to help really do want to help. They just don't know what to do, so telling them exactly what you need helps both of you.

These needs can be as simple as:

Keep me company for while
Stop asking me how I am
Watch tv with me
Take a walk with me

Or, these can be tasks or chores like:

Pick up some things for me when you are at the store
Walk my dog
Watch my kids for a few moments or pick my kids up from school
Show me how to start the lawn mower or the washing machine
Change my light bulb

Not only will writing your needs down on index cards help you organize what needs to be done, it will help to clear you mind from worrying about these things. You can write them down and then let them go for a moment and focus on something else.

Exercise is good for you in many ways. First, it gives you a temporary focus, taking your mind off of whatever it was on before, even if just for a few moments while you are getting started. Second, it creates endorphins, which are feel-good chemicals that cheer us up. Third, it is a positive form of self-care which will help keep your body and mind healthy as you move through your grief. Fourth, it will make you look better and physically feel better over time, which will make you mentally feel better too.

You can start with something as simple as walking. A brisk walk will get your blood flowing, body moving and will create some endorphins to make you feel better. You can add an extra layer by walking outside and taking in nature or listing to upbeat or tranquil music while you walk.

It doesn't matter what exercise you do as long as you do something. It is important to find something you enjoy so you will look forward to doing it. Start slowly and build as you can.

It is human nature to indulge in comfort foods when we are feeling down. We also tend to either eat too little or too much. While this temporarily makes us feel better, it is not really helping us in the long run. Eating heather foods and the right quantity of food is important self-care. It will make you healthier so you feel physically better, which in turn will make you mentally feel better. Try to make small changes at first. Keep healthy choices on hand so you can reach for them as easily as the comfort foods. Schedule yourself three meals a day so you have some stability to start with.

Some actions you can take to help with your grief…

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